10 Ways to Ditch the Messy – The Chored Alternative

Last month the Huffington Post came up with an article called “10 ways to ditch the messy”, claiming “clean people” know that you don’t have to devote hours upon hours to keep your living space free from becoming a chaotic mess. They claimed that in order to achieve this domestic nirvana, you had simply had to adopt a few habits that could be painlessly incorporated into your daily routine.

Here at Chored HQ we soon saw how the application of these quick win routines could help manifest a peaceful ecosystem amongst stressed out house shares too busy to clean. That said, we have also know pizza boxes to have developed their own ecosystems in some student house shares, so we thought we’d try our hand at interpreting these tips for those of you who live your house-shares less Kim and Abbie, more stale and scabby….

Tip 1 – Make your bed on a daily basis

Huff says: It makes the room look neater, it keeps your comforter from your probably-not-vacuumed-recently floor and it is one less thing you’ll have to do at night

We say: Why? It’s only going to get messed up again when you get back in. Studies show that the average student bed is unoccupied for roughly 4 hours everyday, so the benefit of making your bed yields less than 17% daily benefit! Save your energy for cleaning something outside your room that has a chance of pissing somebody else off.

Tip 2 – Throw your clothes into a hamper, not on the floor

Huff says: A proper hamper is where dirty clothes go, immediately.

We say: If we allow for the unfortunate bastardisation of the English language for a moment, and assume that Huff don’t want us to chow down on 3 day old gusset mould with a glass of prosecco in the park, then it seems they have simply never heard of the floor-drobe.

Tip 3 – Straighten the stacks of stuff on your coffee table

Huff says: A pile [of magazines] is OK, as long as it’s neat.

We say: Actually, this is pretty good. Much like organising the dirty mugs into lines, stacking last nights plates and leaving cleaning products in places easily observed by your house mates, subterfuge can dramatically extend the time between actual contribution to the daily chores for even the least dedicated procrastinator. Just make sure its GQ, and not Razzle.

Tip 4 – Dust. We’re completely serious

Huff says: It’ll cost you 5 minutes of your time, but makes a big difference

We say: Lol.

Tip 5 – Wipe down the sink after doing the dishes

Huff says: A quick wipe-down with Windex and a rag is enough. This will remove any lingering nastiness leftover from washing away the evidence leftover after last night’s Chinese food binge.

We say: Concentrate on doing the washing up. Anything else is a bonus. Additionally, why would you wash up after a Chinese food binge? It seems almost insulting to decant onto a plate food derived from a fast food industry almost exemplary for its efforts in championing the “face-box and sticks” troughing system.

Tip 6 – Give counters a once-over with a magic eraser.

Huff says: You can use the generic kind, but it’s easier to refer to these cellulose sponges as Magic Erasers – the only thing that’ll remove the weird scuff

We say: Um, what’s that? Magic eraser? Perhaps this is only for people living in house shares in an 80’s cartoon. Seems a little specific for a generic cleaning tip but we’ll go with it. As for removing “weird scuff”, Kleenex is usually fine, although we suggest you keep that sort of activity to your bedroom.

Tip 7 – Wipe down the sink after your morning and evening routines

Huff says: This quick move is especially important for the gentlemen out there, who tend to leave behind a devil’s confetti of tiny little beard hairs.

We say: A little open to interpretation this one. One morning routine I was particularly fond of at college of was getting up and walking back to my house. If this sounds familiar, then pretty much anything goes when it’s not your sink.

Tip 8 – Vacuum up fallen hair

Huff says: [keep a] small handheld-type vac in the bathroom, expressly to pick up any hair that might have decided to depart one’s head during the grooming process

We say: Electrical goods in the bathroom? But why stop there!? Personally I like to keep a small power sander perched next to the sink for my bi-annual toenail trim. It’s tucked behind the toaster I keep handy for bath time snacking. But seriously though, pull your own skanky hair out of the plughole. It’s fucking disgusting.

Tip 9 – Press the (unplugged) straightening iron on a slightly damp towel.

Huff says: It’ll help loosen any baked-on styling product residue

We say: Seriously, what is that gank that congeals on the side of straighteners? Here at Chored, we have no idea. But whatever the hell it is, we don’t want it on our towels.

Tip 10 – Spritz down the tub with a daily spray cleaner after showering

Huff says: Step out of the shower, then spray away.

We say: A lot of these so-called daily spritzers are bleach or even ammonia based. We can think of an ethical, natural alternative that wont cost you a penny, although if this method appeals to you then probably stay in the shower whilst you “apply” the spray. And no asparagus beforehand.

Fin.

– The Chored Team

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